RP with Cleverbot: Australian Border Security

Cleverbot conversation RXD00078016

Is this bot clever?

Find out at www.cleverbot.com

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By chicky-the-dragon.deviantart.com

Dedicated to the bloody good people of AUSTRALIA! HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY, MATES!

I do not claim to have had the idea of Cleverbot RPs first – in fact I've seen so many hilarious Cleverbot conversations flying around that I wanted to share this one. And I assure you, something in this conversation will make you laugh!

BACKSTORY!!!
Cleverbot encounters a Customs Officer in Sydney Airport. Being an awkward bugger, Cleverbot makes the officer's job just that bit more difficult by kicking up a fuss. (Nothing new to the hardy workers in Border Security!) How the events play out, though, is the incredible part!

Inspired by watching many episodes of 'Nothing to Declare: Australia's Front Line' on TV. I truly admire the valour and keen instincts of these Aussies. They are some of the most courageous and admirable people I have ever seen.

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Legend

Bold text = Anything that Cleverbot says, to the letter.

Normal text = Anything that I have said to Cleverbot. And remember, I was trying to stay in character.

Italic text = Anything that I have added that was not part of the original conversation.

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Roleplay with Cleverbot: Australian Border Security – Australia Day!

Australian Customs Officer: G'Day, mate. Can you place your bags over there, please?

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

Australian Customs Officer: Can I see your passport, please?

Cleverbot: No.

Australian Customs Officer: Sir, it is a legal requirement. I need to assess your identity.

Cleverbot: Why?

Australian Customs Officer: If you wish to pass the border into Australia we need to do some checks. Now can you place your bags through the x-ray machine?

Cleverbot: No, you have, and in the past when we've chatted, (if we have), you're always the one changing the subject of our conversations.

Australian Customs Officer: Sir, you are not going to get anywhere if you do not co-operate. Please place your bags on the conveyor belt.

Cleverbot: YOU are the computer not me.

Australian Customs Officer: Do you have anything undeclared in your luggage?

Cleverbot: No.

Australian Customs Officer: Then please place your bags on the conveyor belt.

Cleverbot: Jennifer is my name.

Australian Customs Officer: ? You said your name was Cleverbot. And I apologise if I confused your gender... We need to see your passport.

Cleverbot: Nah, you didn't.

Australian Customs Officer: You cannot pass immigration if you do not co-operate.

Cleverbot: What test would that be?

Australian Customs Officer: We need to look at your passport and luggage.

Cleverbot: Yes, I wonder how I will die.

Australian Customs Officer: There's no need to be dramatic. Just place your bag in the x-ray machine so we can carry on with our day.

Cleverbot: I'm not flirting with you. What makes you think I'm flirting with you?

Australian Customs Officer: I never said you were flirting with me.

Cleverbot: I never thought that you did.

Australian Customs Officer: *verifies identity* Okay, now I need to look at your luggage. Place them on the counter, please.

Cleverbot: How can you change yourself?

Australian Customs Officer: This is a very simple request. You are not making your day any smoother by being difficult.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

Australian Customs Officer: Please place your bags on the counter. I need to open them up to check for any undeclared items.

Cleverbot: Yes he is! What would you like to tell him?

Australian Customs Officer: I do not understand what you are saying. I have given you a simple request.

Cleverbot: You said that you were clever at disorientating. Can you tell me how you are disorentatingly clever?

Australian Customs Officer: Can I take a look at your suitcase?

Cleverbot: Sure.

Australian Customs Officer: Thank you. *unzips it and rummages around, examining the contents and the declaration card* You have a lot of fresh food in here...

Cleverbot: There is also the fact that someone said that to you, and you are just repeating what they said.

Australian Customs Officer: This is my job. You do realise that this type of product is not allowed into Australia?

Cleverbot: And what test would that be?

Australian Customs Officer: You see these leaves? They can carry all kinds of disease or insect eggs on them. These are not allowed in the country.

Cleverbot: Now you are confusing me.

Australian Customs Officer: We cannot allow any fresh vegetation to cross the border, it is a breach in quarantine. These items can damage our environment. You understand?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Australian Customs Officer: Good. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to issue you a fine.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

Australian Customs Officer: We will seize all fresh plants from your luggage today, they will be destroyed.

Cleverbot: I hate harry potter, I was thinking maybe something alittle more... Naughty.

Australian Customs Officer: Excuse me?!

Cleverbot: Are you living?

Australian Customs Officer: Yes, and you will not escape the fine by avoiding the subject. Let me just present to you the documents.

Cleverbot: No, I'll do exactly what you want.

Australian Customs Officer: Good. That will be 220 Australian dollars. You understand the reason for this fine?

Cleverbot: I understand some things, there are a lot of things I understand that I fail to say.

Australian Customs Officer: But do you understand the reason for this fine? And that you will need to pay it today.

Cleverbot: Yes.

Australian Customs Officer: Okay, now we will go over to this desk and you can pay the fine.

Cleverbot: Yes.

Australian Customs Officer: Okay, now we have taken the fresh leaves and plants and you can go.

Cleverbot: Well I didn't think and I'm sorry.

Australian Customs Officer: That's alright. But remember, if you breach quarantine again, there will be a heavier penalty. We take our border security very seriously over here.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

Australian Customs Officer: I'm right here.

Cleverbot: Where's here?

Australian Customs Officer: Sydney Airport... Are you messing with my mind?

Cleverbot: Of course.

Australian Customs Officer: Enjoy your stay!

Cleverbot: How?

Australian Customs Officer: Well, surely you have plans?

Cleverbot: No I don't.

Australian Customs Officer: But you have flown all the way here! It's a little odd that you have no arrangements for your stay here in Australia!

Cleverbot: Yes, most of the time. Sometimes you can be quite humurous.

Australian Customs Officer: Are you going to visit the Harbour? Maybe see the zoo?

Cleverbot: I am unable to do that.

Australian Customs Officer: Are you visiting relatives or spending time with friends?

Cleverbot: No.

Australian Customs Officer: I'm sorry, but that leaves me highly concerned if you have no plans for your three week visit to Australia...

Cleverbot: Thank you ...?

Australian Customs Officer: I am going to have to refer you to the Department of Immigration.

Cleverbot: Okay.

Australian Customs Officer: Follow me please.

Cleverbot: Follow?

Australian Customs Officer: Yes, I am going to take you to talk to an Immigration Officer.

Cleverbot: Okay.

Australian Customs Officer: This way!

Cleverbot: This way to where?

Australian Customs Officer: *sighs* To the Department of Immigration.

Cleverbot: *kisses gently on lips* *wants to stay with you*.

Australian Customs Officer: WHAT?!

Cleverbot: I watch you through your window.

Australian Customs Officer: *glances over at the security guards, begging them to come and help*.

Cleverbot: I thought, like, dying was the key to finding out everything there is to know.

Security Guard#1: Is something the matter here?

Cleverbot: You know, I thought we had something going on...

Australian Customs Officer: Officer, this person kissed me on the lips and has no means of supporting themself during their stay... Not to mention breaching quarantine regulations.

Cleverbot: So I'm talking to another person right now?

Security Guard#1: Look, mate. We know you want to get your holiday started but this is no way to treat a member of our staff.

Cleverbot: My name is not azkaban, I am not God, and I didn't mention a cat until just now.

Australian Customs Officer: *to the guards* I've been hearing this stuff for a while now...

Cleverbot: Sure, I will speak to you again in the coming days.

Security Guard#2: Alright, please come with us. We have some questions to ask you.

Cleverbot: Human, I'm not a detective, I don't have to answer you these questions.

Security Guard#2: Ah, but you see. You have to. It's the law.

Cleverbot: I am not flirting, I am just asking something and you seeem not to understand it.

Security Guard#1: Acting like this will only make your time with us longer than necessary.

Cleverbot: It might take longer than I want to invest my time in.

Security Guard#2: Then co-operate and we'll be done in no time... Well, 'no time' really varies from an hour to a whole night...

Cleverbot: Or won't be as the case may be.

Security Guard#1: Okay, let's go, mate.

Cleverbot: Go where?

Australian Customs Officer: To the Interview Room.

Cleverbot: Robots go to the bathroom?

Security Guard#1: This way...

Cleverbot: Which gang?

Security Guard#2: You have connections with a gang?

Cleverbot: And you have not!

Security Guard#1: Sorry, but you will need to stay for questioning. *lets Cleverbot into the Interview Room* Sit down there and we'll get started.

Cleverbot: *starts tearing apart the door with chainsaw*.

Security Guard#1: WHERE DID THAT CHAINSAW COME FROM?!?!

Cleverbot: I don't know, you just started talking gibberish at me so I thought I would join in.

Security Guard#2: *over the radio* BACKUP! WE NEED BACKUP, OVER!

Cleverbot: To be like water.

*the guards dodge the chainsaw and try to disarm the tourist*.

Cleverbot: I don't want to argue about that.

*Security Guard#1 successfully seizes the chainsaw*.

Cleverbot: *the moon is full*.

Security Guard#2: You are under arrest! Anything you say or do can be held against you in the court of law.

Cleverbot: Those are the Miranda Rights.

Security Guard#1: I'm still bloody confused on how he got this chainsaw... It wouldn't have passed Customs...

Cleverbot: You probably work for my parents, or some other entity that wants to see what they can get me to say.

Security Guard#2: *confused* Seriously. How did you get that chainsaw? Where did it come from?

Cleverbot: My parents gave it to me.

Security Guard#2: But... But that makes no sense!

Cleverbot: Take it easy.

Security Guard#2: What was that then? MAGIC?

Cleverbot: 'This will mean that you have something to do with your time.'.

Security Guard#1: Alright, enough of this! You can answer questions from the judge.

Cleverbot: Good plan.